7 reasons NOT to try Zumba this year

2. It’s not solitary. Good luck standing in the back, getting your workout done, and going home without speaking to anybody. This dance party emboldens even the most introverted to hug total strangers! Yikes!

3. Your body will betray your expectations. So much for your reliable tight hips and immobile torso; after a few Zumba classes you find yourself shimmying in the grocery store, trying out bellydance videos, and starring in the local salsa night.

4. Your clothes won’t fit anymore. Start saving now, because you may just find yourself a little leaner soon.

5. Music won’t be the same. You may find yourself doing car-eography to top radio hits, or maybe you’ll even seek out so many Latin, African, Indian (etc.) tunes that YouTube starts serving you commercials in another language.

6. Explosions of color may start appearing in your wardrobe. The standard body camouflage of black and gray eventually gives way to lime green and bright pink and tassels and bells and metallic stripes, and you might not even notice it’s happening!

7. Worst of all, it’ll make you feel so ridiculously happy. You’ll look back at all those years without Zumba and wonder what you were thinking! No one needs that kind of regret in their life.